But now we're like, whoa.

Not Anymore

Thursday, September 24, 2009 @ 4:44 AM

Do you have any idea how hard it is to feel ignorance from someone so so special? But isn't it harder to pretend that you don't care? And to pretend that you're happy but deep inside, you're crushed and broken? Damn, it's hard and painful to think that my presence is like air to you. I'm nothing. Sorry, I can't take it anymore. All I can do is write everything on this paper. I've wasted so much tears every time you laugh at me when I'm close to telling you the truth. And I also wasted and faked so much smiles to let every one know I'm okay.

Yes, I'm not completely alright. But I'm okay. Meaning, not super sad and not happy at all. Let's say that I've accepted the fact that I'm completely nothing to you. When I forced myself to accept every inch of it... I didn't feel sad. But I was never happy since then. I feel that I'm not myself now. Its as if there's always something missing. I never thought I'd have butterflies in my stomach each time I pass by you. I must admit, I hated you. I hated you for I love you so much, it consumes me and I can't control it. I hated you for a while. I really hated you back then.

But then you know? I missed you and I blame myself for feeling that way. Please forgive me for breaking my own heart.

I can't understand why I fell for you so deep that I can't breathe when you're not around. It seems like you're the sun that lights up my day and the beat my heart pumps every hour, every minute, every second. How I wish I could let you go. And how I wish I could move on, step up and forget. But I can't. I can't get up when you're down. That's why I'm writing things I think will help me take the big risk. Cos' you're worth the risk. Sorry for loving you so much, I didn't mean to. I really didn't mean to.

By the time you read this, I'm not sure what your reaction is and how you will feel. But when you decide to run away, and leave me behind... Don't worry. I won't chase you anymore. Cos' by that time, I'm ready to withstand the pain and set you off by yourself. Cos' I'm tired of keeping this inside me. I'm tired of waiting.

- Journal, Grammar.
mothafucka. =))

Labels: G's to shits

Free Hugs :)